Becoming a wife and a woman of God starts and finishes with your character. This is the reason that the New Living Translation of Proverbs 18:22 reads this way: “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”
A man who finds this type of woman has discovered someone that has developed the characteristics of a Proverbs Woman. An individual possessing these attributes are rare. Worldly women are everywhere, while women of God are more precious than diamonds. This is because of the rarity connected to them! As the first part of Proverbs 31:10 (Message Translation) states, “A good woman is hard to find”
As I scroll through my social media timeline, I often see different references of Proverbs 31 and it made me propose a question:
“How many women truly understand what it means to be a Proverbs Woman?”
My question doesn’t imply an inappropriate reference of the Bible. It encourages a deeper understanding of how to become this type of woman. In my opinion, Proverbs 31 is the biblical pinnacle of womanhood.
The thirty first chapter of Proverbs was written by the mother of a biblical king named Lemuel. She presented this to him to describe the characteristics that a virtuous wife or ideal woman should possess. Becoming this type of woman is more about building the appropriate principles more than building your faith on promises!
I know it sounds good to hear, “the man meant for you will find you”, but have you developed the characteristics to maintain this relationship when that time comes?
I know it sounds encouraging to hear, “the right man is worth the wait”, but are you working while you’re waiting?
God’s promises will always remain intact, but that doesn’t mean we can’t delay or damage it!
A brand new Bentley or Benz doesn’t improve the driving ability of a bad driver. You’re simply a bad driver in a beautiful car, and these drivers are more prone to causing an accident. You don’t want to push away a King because you didn’t take the time to develop the characteristics of a virtuous Queen!
The woman described to Lemuel is a woman of noble character. The word noble can be defined as having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles. Synonyms of this word include:
None of the listed attributes are attached to a man or husband. The characteristics of a noble woman should be developed prior to entering a relationship or marriage. The New Living Translation of Proverbs 16:2 states the following: “People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.”
The qualities that Lemuel’s mother describes in Proverbs 31 should not be developed just to attract a husband. As the previous scripture states, God will explore your true motives. He knows if you truly are a Proverbs Woman or if you are playing a role to obtain a title.
Noble characteristics should be developed and displayed on a daily basis. To paraphrase what my Pastor (William Curtis) mentioned during a recent sermon, “I don’t care how nice you are if it has a timeline.”
Most or every woman dreams of the perfect proposal and wedding, but lacking the attributes of a Proverbs Woman can lead to a problematic marriage. The approach shouldn’t be “I’ll be more unselfish or compassionate when I find the right man.” That should be a vital part of your evolution as a Woman of God before dating or getting married. The Message Translation of Proverbs 31:22 states the following, “She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.”
A wedding ring isn’t required to quickly help a person in need. Your generosity and loyalty shouldn’t be circumstantial. A worldly woman can choose when to be generous and loyal, while
a woman of God should always be this way because God does the same for her! This is what God is expecting from you, whether you have a man or not. Don’t turn your virtue on and off. Be a virtuous woman of God EVERY DAY!
Queens Seek Wholeness
To become the woman that Lemuel’s mother is describing, you must be whole. The word wholeness can be defined as the state of being unbroken or undamaged. This is one of the reasons why a woman shouldn’t date or seek a relationship from a state of brokenness. A woman could potentially make a man pay for a scar or wound he didn’t cause. Some relationships fail because of an individual turning their insecurities into their partner’s flaws. As I reflect on a previous relationship, I remember watching the insecurities of an ex-girlfriend turn into my inability to make her feel secure in our relationship.
During a recent sermon, my Pastor mentioned the following, “Without a healthy relationship with God, relationships with others will be weak at best”
Wholeness starts and ends with your relationship with God. You’ll never have a strong relationship with others if you have a weak one with God. Don’t expect or put the pressure on a man to complete you. That role belongs to God! A man may complement you, but God is the one that completes you! Two synonyms of the word, complement are companion and addition. A man or spouse should serve as an addition to your life not the one that makes or breaks it! A feeling of incompleteness will always be present if God alone isn’t enough to complete you.
So one may ask: “How do I become whole again after encountering a season or situation that broke us?”
It begins with admitting that you are broken. Being broken doesn’t decrease your value as a woman unless you decide to stay this way.
A doctor can’t address a problem that they don’t know about or one that you tell them doesn’t exist. Some of us are willing to manage our fractures more than going through the process of complete healing. I understand that we all have flaws, but this doesn’t mean our flaws have to be normalized. As a man, I’m willing to accept a woman and the flaws that may accompany her, but it would be difficult to marry one that isn’t willing to fix them. Just because you had an attitude when I met you doesn’t mean it has to become the norm in our relationship.
Having the mindset of “This is who I am, take it or leave it” will not only inhibit your growth as a woman, it will delay the arrival of the man that God has for you!
This emphasizes the significance of acknowledging your fractures and seeking a stronger relationship with God to correct them. Any woman can go from broken to blessed if she allows God to do the mending.
I understand that it might’ve been a man or someone else that broke you, but the responsibility of healing still belongs to you. The good news is that you don’t have go through the healing process alone. God is right there with you through it ALL! As the Good News Bible Translation of Jeremiah 30:17 states, “I will make you well again; I will heal your wounds.”
God is ready and willing to heal your wounds, but it requires acknowledging the fractures that need to be healed. Sometimes we’ll keep God away from the fractures that we’ve become used to tolerating, but this approach hurts us more than it helps us.
We often seek coping mechanisms more than healing methods. The word cope can be defined as effectively dealing with something difficult, while healing is described as the process of making something healthy again. These two words are often considered the same, but they are more different than most think.
Coping with the pain of a fractured ankle would be taking medication to alleviate the pain, knowing that the pain will return eventually. So you’re essentially just managing the pain not correcting it.
Healing from a broken ankle may involve medication, but it also may include a surgical procedure to repair the fracture or placing it in a walking boot that allows the fracture to heal completely.
One of the reasons some relationships may fail or fall short is because of not fully healing from the last one. Blaming a man or categorizing all men into one category shouldn’t be used a coping or defense mechanism.
A man also should not be seen as a “medication” for the pain that someone else caused. Take the necessary time to fully heal with God and live the life that he designed for you!
Queens Speak Well
The New Living Translation of Proverbs 31:26 states the following, “When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.”
According to Lemuel’s mother, a Proverbs Woman speaks well. As I’ve scrolled through my social media timeline, I’ve consistently seen a meme that says a variation of the following: “I’m not built for a soft man because I talk back and don’t listen”
This is not only a “funny” meme to some women, but this is also becoming a normalized and accepted mentality. If you desire to become a Proverbs Woman, you cannot have this mindset! Even if you’ve been this way since birth, it’s time to level up and make the necessary changes to evolve into a Proverbs Woman.
This scripture mentions that this type of woman speaks wisdom. If wisdom is primarily acquired through hearing, how can you become wise if you never listen or believe that you know everything? There’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth, to listen twice as much as we talk. A woman that isn’t willing to listen hinders her ability to learn! A Proverbs Woman is a righteous woman, not one that always has to be right!
Beauty is more than a woman’s external appearance. It's also about the words that come out of her mouth. In my honest opinion, how a woman speaks is more important than her clothing, cosmetic appearance, and the composition of her body. As a man, a beautiful woman with a bitter mouth immediately becomes unattractive to me.
Although that’s my opinion, The Easy To Read Version of Proverbs 21:9 states the following,
“It is better to live in a small corner on the roof than to share the house with a woman who is always arguing.”
Verse 21 goes on to add “It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quick-tempered wife who loves to argue.”
This is the reason that a woman who aspires to be a wife and Proverbs Woman cannot have a bitter mouth. I understand that couples go through things, and some dialogues will lead to a disagreement but it shouldn’t always be the result of a woman having a quick temper. That should be addressed well before entering any relationship. Instead of looking for someone who can handle or deal with your attitude, why not correct it?
The Easy To Read Version of Proverbs 21:25 mentions the following, “Lazy people will cause their own destruction because they refuse to work.”
Don’t allow laziness to be the reason that God delays the arrival of the man he handpicked for you. Work on your flaws as much as you pray for the right man or blessings to enter your life!
Queens Are Selfless Women
The New Living Translation of Proverbs 31:11-12 says the following pertaining to an ideal wife, “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
The word enrich can be defined as improving or enhancing the value of someone or something. Can a woman truly enrich or enhance a man with a selfish attitude?
Do you want to win with your spouse or are you only concerned with your victory? Does your husband’s internal well-being matter or do you have the mindset that “he’s a man, he’ll be okay?”
If you are entering ANY relationship with a “me first” mentality, you are off to the wrong start! If you are placing your own desires before a man’s spiritual enrichment, your relationship or marriage is destined for failure!
The days of “happy wife, happy life” are over. It’s time to embrace a new standard if you desire to be successful: “Happy spouse, happy house”
I understand the concern of placing someone before you, but I have great news for you. Listen to what The Message Translation of Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.”
A man is instructed and encouraged to love his wife the same way Christ loved the church, but this becomes difficult with a defeated spirit.
I’m not referring to a man that's not ready for a relationship or marriage. I’m rereferring to a man who has to battle the world, and has to come home to fight another battle.
As a man, I desire a companion not another client. After pouring into someone for a hour, I should be headed home to a safe space, not a constant war zone. To paraphrase what the final part of the referenced scripture states (Proverbs 31:12), A wife brings her spouse good, not harm EVERY DAY of her life
A selfish woman will never be completely in-tune with her man or husband because she’s consistently thinking of her needs first.
One of the reasons that some men don’t know how to express themselves is a result of never having the opportunity to do so. Growing up, we were always taught to “be a man” or to “never show our emotions” and then we enter relationships where we essentially are forced to do the same.
We constantly listen to how our spouse feels without the chance to express our feelings.
I remember asking my dad a question about my mom when I was younger: “Why is she always screaming?”
With a calm demeanor, he replied: “That’s what women do.” Society has normalized men being strong and silent while women are given the opportunity to express their emotions whenever and however they want. This further emphasizes the significance of The Proverbs Woman. Although the world normalizes this, A woman of God must operate under a different standard.
There’s a reason that Lemuel’s mother wanted her son to marry a woman who’s selfless and generous. This is the type of woman that would enrich her son and help him elevate to where God is calling him to be!
Behind every great man is a great woman, but this doesn’t necessarily mean a great looking woman with great accolades. This is a woman who greatly enhances his spirit. I don’t care about your degrees if you’re unable to fulfill my spiritual needs. Thats the reason I’ll always take soul food over eye candy.
Before entering your next relationship or as you take a moment to reflect on your current one, ask yourself the following:
“Am I prepared to give the appropriate effort in my current or next relationship?”
“Am I ready to listen to the issues that rest on his heart, and willing to make an genuine effort to correct them?”
“Am I ready to reciprocate and receive the love this man gives to me?”
Some often confuse readiness with impatience. Just because you are tired of waiting doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship or marriage. Don’t rush to receive what God has promised you. Develop the principles to manage and maintain it!
Embrace the process of becoming a Proverbs Woman!